Yes, a reversal of Andrew's talk is what I was referring too and what I believe has caused some of the change in my relationship with my mom. I think me accepting that she's giving what she can and being Ok with that has allowed me to see her in a much more compassionate way.
I was at a women's prayer group the other day and we talked about our relationship with our mom's. My mom's childhood was much worse then mine and not really wanting to compare rotten oranges and rotten apples, I did decide that if my mom had been given the support that I've been lucky enough to get in my life, maybe she'd been in a much better places.
I was lucky enough in my teens to have a teacher (a nun, after whom I named my first child) who believed in me; she listened to me and she made me feel like I was an important person in her life. They say it only takes one adult each child's life to make a huge difference and Sr. Sara was the person for me. That night at the prayer meeting I thought....maybe my mom didn't have such a person. Maybe I need to stop comparing my recovery with hers because our story lines are not the same.
I don't know that I'll ever be really close to my mom, but we're working on it....and I feel like I'm actually playing an "adult role" in the relationship now. Little Kimmy has gotten what she needs in other places.