yes, it's very challenging. I have the a
- Category: Unsorted Comments
yes, it's very challenging. I have the added complication of being on a medication that causes weight gain. I have gone off of it, only to get so depressed I could hardly function. I have discussed it with my doctor and we feel that it is best for me to stay on the medication. I feel so preoccupied with food being on this medication. I can start my day out with good intentions, but have a horrible time after dinner, snacking late at night. I cannot fit into most of the clothes I wore 3 months ago...and I didn't save my "fat" clothes...I gave them away. I feel disgusted with myself. I try not to be hard on myself. I don't hate myself, I know I have a lot going on in my life and I am doing the best I can. I remember how bad I felt when I was not eating. I wish I could find a happy in between...for more than a day. So I looked up the word nourish. Some of the definitions I found were "to sustain", "to help something grow or to develop, foster, or strengthen", "to supply what is necessary for life, health and growth". I was thinking about this today. It occurred to me that perhaps my difficulty with the word comes from feeling like I have so often failed at doing these things for myself..the word means taking care of yourself, your needs,etc., which I often don't feel I deserve to do for myself. I carry a lot of shame and worthless feelings from my childhood abuse. I think I feel that doing something good for myself is like putting something good into something bad, or something clean into something dirty. The two do not go together. The two don't deserve each other. The word makes me feel like a fraud. This is the best way I can describe my feelings for the word.