They stop allowing others to drain personal energy.
They use their own energy to build what is valuable and important to them.
these are two of my hardest challenges. More often than not, in my life, I have allowed myself to be the personal doormat of others. I don't like for people to be mad at me- moreover- I just want everyone to be happy, peaceful, calm. My mom wore the pants in the family so to speak, while my dad endured (and still endures) a lot of verbal abuse from my mom. Growing up my dad always pleaded with us to just "let things go". "Don't get your mom started".
In my entire life, my mom has apologized to me once. ONCE. That's a lot of sucking it up in my lifetime. As an adult she has carried things farther when she doesn't agree with me - she involves my kids in her hate crusade by telling one of them I love one more than the other.
i was always , and still remain, hyper vigilant to what others think of me. This is very draining. It's so hard to please everyone all the time. It makes me feel less than. It makes my self esteem drop.
I was proud of myself yesterday. i stay incredibly busy. Single mom, work full time, have a child in 12 hours of gymnastics a week, have a mother with Alzheimer's still living at home with my dad, a sister with bipolar disorder who stirs constant drama over there. A 14 year old with her own teen issues....
a friend called me yesterday needing me to help fix her sons ipod. She wanted me to drop everything I was doing to come help her. I told her I was at gymnastics. She said she'd come to me. That wasn't appropriate and I told her no. Then she wanted to come over after we got home at 8, but I neefed to get homework done and dinner started. So I told her no. Then she wanted to drop by the house and let my daughter look at it. My house is a mess but I almost said yes. Then I stopped and remembered this is her issue, not mine. I didn't want anyone over with my house messy. I'm weird like that. I did tell her no. It wasn't a life or death situation and my fatigue trumped her need to fix her child's toy THAT NIGHT. She finally got the message.
i felt bad at first, but later realized that I was proud of myself for sticking to my guns and not giving in- which would have made me feel rushed and frustrated.
Im in need of utilizing this with other situations. But the sky didn't fall, my friend is still my friend, and I stuck up for my needs. Sounds so simple, but it's not. I think a lot of people with EDs allow people to dictate how they feel and what they think, etc. putting others ahead of ourselves and our own needs is commonplace. Its a way of staying in the shadows - disappearing, not causing ripples in the water.