You are having a major episode. Please contact your therapist to help you through this difficult time.
I'm glad you wrote so I could say this to you. Please understand that I need to remove your post. It's all about acting out and will be triggering to others.
Please also know that while I am removing your post you are welcome on this site and can write again and often if you wish. Just know that you are writing to express yourself and, at the same time, you are writing to inform others who are working through their eating disorder issues and challenges too.
This site is all about recovery and support. See if you can get into Healing Your Hungry Heart, even a little. Find something in a chapter or in the Appendex that relates to where you are now and gives you some recovery choices.
Good luck. I wish you every success. I hope to hear from you again when you have found at least a hint of a positive path.