Eating Disorder Recovery
Joanna Poppink, MFT
Eating Disorder Recovery Psychotherapist
serving Arizona, California, Florida, Oregon and Utah.
All appointments are virtual.

If you suffer from an eating disorder now or have in the past, please email Joanna for a free telephone consultation.

I rarely think about what I want to accomplish before I die, as I rarely think of my life past the next few years.  Living in the present is difficult too. I think I live too much in the past.  I have spent a lot of time feeling sad the past few days, today has been really, really hard. I cried as I read this post, Joanna, because I read it after I had posted on the forum site. It spoke to so much of how I feel. I do feel despair and shame. I feel like I will never get this right. My friends don't understand what I see in the mirror. All I can say is that I see something horrid and grotesque. My friends don't have to live in this body or this mind that is constantly rolling a negative tape.

I guess right now I would say that before I die I just want to get better and enjoy atleast a few years of ED free thinking and living. I feel like I am in prison. I honestly do not see any way out of this. I am tired of my mind not shutting off.  I feel like everyone is staring at me in disgust. 

The reallly tiring part is acting like I am ok to those around me. Trying to hide all of this madness.  I know I am not successful all the time with my co-workers, but as long as my patients don't see it, I guess that is good.

What steps can I take to get started? I don't know. I feel like I have tried everything.

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