I realise that I don't get triggered as often or as easily as I used to, and I think part of that for me is actually knowing "where I end, and where others begin". As in if someone says something that really triggers me and I strongly disagree with, if I can sense things started to get a little heated on both sides, I remind myself that they are entitled to hold whatever view they wish, as am I, and that there is a line there between us that divides what is theirs that I have no right to interfere with or to have any expectation of them to change; and what is mine, that I am entitled to feel in response, that I do have the power to deal with and change etc, and usually this will involve some kind of "agreeing to disagree",
I can choose not to get drawn in, to just let things lie and accept we have different views, I can choose to remove myself from the situation if necessary, I can go away and question why I feel how I feel, what it is that provokes that reaction in me, I can separate out what is justified and what is not, and reflect upon what is historically mine and where it comes from and what I need to do about it.
I don't always get it right, sometimes the flame gets ignited so quickly I don't get a chance to intervene and put my sensible, rational head on before I'm drawn in - but I can still reflect on it afterwards and see where I should've drawn the line, try to understand why my reactions were so strong and were what they were etc.
I suppose for me, it's about owning yourself - your whole self - not getting involved in stuff that isn't yours, and not expecting anyone to deal with what is yours either.
On a seperate note - Tracy, it's really good to see you posting on here again!
I think sometimes when we are hurt/upset/angry about something it's easy to internalise it as us being a bad person or being viewed as a bad person, when that's really not the case - so I'm glad you know that you're not really "bad"!
Stick with things Tracy, sometimes in therapy we can struggle for weeks/months, and then without warning something happens and we start to make progress, or realise that we can start to deal with stuff that we previously couldn't bear to... it will come!
I know I went through a few patches of wanting/needing to lie low on here - I also remember how accepting you were of me for my lack of contributions during one of those phases - don't be a stranger forever! We will all be waiting for you just the same when you feel ready to contribute a bit more again! xx