Being stuck in routines, whether from a psychological need, like the deep reasons for an eating disorder, or from habits born of necessity and continued beyond their original need, limit our lives. We can't see beyond those limits. We miss opportunities in the world. We fail to discover treasures within our minds, hearts and souls. Often we are so stuck in our rigidity we don't even know we are limited. If we do know, we don't know how to loosen that tightness or move through barriers to strike out in a new direction.
I'm opening my self to surprise and change right now and am sharing at least some of it with you.
I don't know what is going to happen next. I'm out of my ordinary routines.
Here I am, away from Los Angeles, in Taos, New Mexico at the Taos Writers Conference. It's 6:55 a.m. I've already walked through the clear high desert lands under a big dawn sky, had breakfast and now am sitting at an outside table at the conference center writing to you.
The air is light, clear, clean and cool - not Los Angeles air. The twittering of the birds now waking up are not Los Angeles birds. The prairie dogs popping up in the fields are not Los Angeles squirrels. And this vast sky is not the sky overhead at home.
My normal routines aren't possible here without a tremendous effort and disregard for my position. I need not care for my family, my animals, my home, my garden. My practice is closed for ten days. I have no home or business errands to tend or bills to pay. But I've done more in preparation for this time and experienced preparation not of my choosing as well.
I gave myself a transforming and uplifting experience by attending Wagner's Ring Cycle at the Los Angeles Music Center. This masterpiece, created by a genius and brought to life by more geniuses penetrated places in my heart and creative soul I didn't know existed. I cleaned out clutter from my closets and stripped down my files to essentials. This created a sense of freedom and space I haven't felt for a long time. My beloved friend, Lars Lofgren, died. This created a deep sense of grief coupled with a deep sense of love and gratitude for all the wondrous years we had together. His death created a difference sense of time and space within me. My orientation to myself and to the word is changing, and I know I have openings for something new to emerge.
Even writing this to you is new. I'm usually not so personal in my blogs. But some important needs in human beings, I believe, can only be met through story and sharing. So I'm sharing this, my new story that even I don't know, with you now as I move beyond my old limits into something beyond my imagination of yesterday and now.
As I write the bird orchestra is growing more full. The rose of the dawn is blending into the greater blue which itself is gaining intensity. Now and then a person walks by on his or her way to breakfast or walking a happy dog who frolics in the cool. Every dog I see here frolics!
At 9:00 a.m. I'll have the first morning of my class,"Writing the Where of It," with Summer Wood. Where indeed - within and without. I'm ready with no preconceptions. I think my preconceptions got cleared out by Wagner, by my decluttering and by the loss of my friend. Yet I feel sturdy and capable. This is a good place to be and feel.
Without a need for my old routines, new activities, and with them, a new perspective emerges. I invite you to explore giving yourself the gift of nourishing your spirit, clearing out clutter and making space within yourself to discover treasures within that you don't yet know about.
I'll share more when what's next is here.