As I hear from women in their thirties and beyond, saying they are stuck in the hard work of eating disorder recovery, I remember my personal experience.

Before bulimia had a name I had bulimia. If you have an eating disorder you know about the anguish and despair in that sentence. 

Periodically I am asked about influences in my life from mentors. I've been thinking, until just this minute, about living mentors I been gifted with in my life.  But I also have powerful mentors I've never known.  One of the best is Winston Churchill. Yes, Winston Churchill helps me in eating disorder recovery.

I watched the documentary, Sedona: The Spirit of Wonder last night.  I was attracted to film because I visited Sedona five years ago and was fortunate to have a private jeep tour - just the driver and me.  Anytime I felt attracted to a place we would aim for the spot and stop there.

I stood in silence - human and jeep silence - so I could hear the sounds of the land and feel what was there for me to feel.  I climbed rocks, found ancient carvings and drawings, visited ruins of dwellings in the majestic red rocks.  I marveled at golden flowers of riotous blooming cactus.  Sedona found tiny openings in my heart and my imagination, infiltrated my soul and expanded me in ways I'm still learning about.

I hoped the film would reignite my personal experiences.  It did and more.  Personally, I found the narrative weak, slanted and uninspiring. But the power of the land comes through despite the narrative flaws.  Much of the film is a slow aerial tour through the fantastic rock formations that may touch your heart as they did mine.  They may even inspire you to visit or start reading Tony Hillerman novels.

Looking at the vistas as they appeared before my eyes I realized I was both flying above the land and swimming under a deep and forgotten ocean.  What I was seeing was the bottom of an ancient sea.  I could imagine coyotes, bears and mountain lion amid the pines and deer trails. I could also imagine prehistoric sea creatures and perhaps coming mammals gliding through the hollows and narrows of the rock peaks.

Mind, heart, soul, imagination expansions like this can dislodge your rigid eating disorder routines. Even a glimpse of a wider and awesome world can create a permanent opening to more appreciation of your own life and the scope and span of life on this planet. That opening can be a birthing place for your recovery.

The film ended with a Native American quote that transcended all the mundane modern narration preceding.

If we look at the path, we do not see the sky. 
We are earth people
on a spiritual journey to the stars.

Our quest, our earth walk,
is to look within,
to know who we are,
to see that we are connected to all things.

There is no separation, only in the mind.

......source unknown

So, in the spirit and mood of the teachings from Sedona, I wish that as you progress on your earth walk you experience a growing awareness of life.  I wish for you an integration of mind, body and spirit that will break up the limitations of eating disorder perceptions.  I wish for you the particular joys and freedom that can only be found in real recovery.

*Elephant Rock (right) and Munds Mountain (left) as seen looking south from SR 179 in Sedona, Arizona
photo by Ken Thomas

Sweet, deep, nourishing sleep

Eating Disorders and Sleep Deprivation

Sleep deprivation is often an aspect of an eating disorder.  You don't want to lose consciousness. You don't want that vulnerable feeling of going into a dim twilight state that takes you into dark sleep.  It feels too much like the beginning of an anxious or terror experience.

So you delay going to bed. You watch TV or DVD and fall asleep on the couch.  The sounds of the player, the voices especially,