At some point in your recovery work you struggle to truly stop bingeing and are on the edge of success.
But you are tempted. No. It's much more than that, and you know it. You feel caught in a tractor beam that relentlessly draws you to the binge.
How can you stop it? How can you pull out? What can you do before you are completely drawn in and lost again in the food?
First, of course, you need to be involved and committed to your recovery work so you have your therapist and your support system in place. Recovery from an eating disorder requires psychological work.
Then you tackle the question of how to stop a binge from starting.
The urge to binge has a lot to do with your natural energy that has no place to go. Anyone who has been in a binge or a compulsive eating episode knows that hunger for food has little or nothing to do with the activity.
So when you stop bingeing, your natural energy is bubbling up with no place to go, until now.
Jung said, "wash the dishes."Â Buddhists say, "chop wood and carry water."Â Vietnamese say,
"Sweep your hut, light a candle, read a book."
In other words, develop habits to hold on to your energy that used to go to a binge. Then channel it in a positive direction.
First, this is difficult to do. You feel like you are walking against a current of glue. You drag yourself to a task where do something physical and necessary. I used to weed the garden and trim bamboo. (Southern California).
Then you find interests you never had time to develop because you were so into your bulimia or other eating disorder. Start off gently, but don't be surprised if
your little interests turn out to be strong and authentic desires of your heart and soul.
When you find those interests, you put your energy there. Some people go back to school and develop first or new careers. We're talking about a lot of energy. Some people discover how much they care about their animals or their garden. They put mental, physical and emotional energy into caring for them better. And this leads them to new people, new organizations, new relationships and even a new vocation.
Good luck! And let me know your answer to the question:Â what do I do instead of going on a binge?
Here are a few suggestions for starters:
- walk the dog
- read a book
- write a letter
- take a shower
- vacuum your house
- scrub down the bathroom
- clean out your car
- clean and organize your closets
- pay your bills
- go to a park
- go to a museum
- get away from triggers and do something different that you like.
- sketch a tree
- write a letter or a poem or a short story - or just write what is immediately around you right now.
- go to the library or a library you've never visited before.
- put some energy into any task you've been postponing.
Please feel free to add to this list!
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Help Yourself 
The conflict comes because sometimes I just don't have the energy or motivation to do one of my "shoulds" at a particular moment, but I won't allow myself to do something pleasurable instead, so I rebel against the whole thing by binging!
Thus I have to be careful about what I choose to do instead of binging. I'd love it if I could channel my binging energy into organizing my closet, but it might be that organizing my closet is what I'm tempted to avoid by binging!
On the other hand, if I'm avoiding a work project that I really do need to work on, it feels wrong to do something nice for myself like taking a bath- then I feel like I'm rewarding myself for procrastinating. Of course, if I binged I wouldn't be doing my work project either- AND I'd be wrecking myself physically and making me less effective at work later in the day, or the next day.
So I've come to the conclusion that pretty much ANY activity is better than binging- and I need to be kinder to myself in choosing not to binge.
I love your conclusion! Now your challenge is to learn what it means to be kind to yourself.
Please remember, when your eating disorder began part of your development stopped. So parts of you remain undeveloped. Sometimes people talk about this as "your inner child" or the child within.
When you can't face an adult responsibility it may well be that the undeveloped part of your psyche feels overwhelmed and inadequate to the task. Then you experience anxiety and the urge to run to comfort.
But you also want to punish yourself for not doing what you need to do. So you honor the child within by not doing the adult task, and you punish the child within for being a disappointment to you. This is a situation that can continually recycle on itself.
Your task now is to change the system. Being kind to yourself, in this context, involves your acknowledging and being tender and caring to that undeveloped part of yourself.
I suggest you make a list of activities that a young child would enjoy. Then, when you feel that pull away from an adult task, instead of going to a binge, go to your list. Pick one activity and do it. Maybe it's going to a park. Maybe it's watching a Clifford the Big Red Dog cartoon. Maybe it's coloring or doing art. Maybe it's cuddling and crooning to a stuffed animal.
If you make the list you are bound to include at least a few that will be just right for you in the moment. Once you learn to trust that you will care for that undeveloped part in yourself instead of punishing yourself, you may find you have more energy and courage to face your adult tasks.
This is not a once only fix it suggestion. This is an approach that you can use long term as you grow, heal and develop. You keep tweaking the list as your developmental needs changes.
Good luck and remember, kindness is your key to recovery and freedom.
Joanna