A source of frustration for me is hearing over and over again how people want to stop their eating disorder behavior, as if that were the full answer.
Shelley's response As Shelley so eloquently reveals in her comment responding to Wendeline's story, the truth of recovery begins when the eating disorder behaviors around food begin to subside. That's when the emotional challenges reveal themselves. That's when the body reels and goes into shock at the massive change in how it is nourished and cared for. The idea that eating after starving or holding after purging or eating in a balanced way after regularly bingeing is the whole answer for recovery is so very wrong.
Why we develop an eating disorder: challenges and triggers We develop these eating disorder behaviors as a way of caring for ourselves. It's not a good way, but it's the best we can do at the time. We use these behaviors because we really don't have any other way to care for ourselves when we meet certain challenges. The challenges vary with each person. But we do share some challenges in common, often called triggering events. Separation is a challenge, aka trigger. Returning to the scene of painful experience is a challenge, aka trigger. Entering an environment that reminds us of a painful experience is a challenge, aka trigger. When we face such a challenge/trigger without using our eating disorder behaviors around food then what have we got? Without healing, support and recovery we are terrified with no way of protecting ourselves.
Blocking emotional pain We can bear that agony for just so long. Then we revert to our tried and true savior, the eating disorder, or move on to something else that floods our emotional system. We may use drugs or alcohol or sex or shoplifting or raging tantrums or cutting or moving around fast accomplishing nothing. Anything that gives a rush or the feeling of momentum will distract us from those terrifying feelings.
Physical and emotional effects of anorexic or restrictive bulimic recovery So yes, Shelley, I agree with what you say, "Realistically I know I can’t expect that suddenly my physical body will “adjust” and be normal and healthy overnight after so many years of abusing it. It’s literally healing itself, and that takes a lot of time. It’s why I’m so tired all the time. My body is using it’s energy to regenerate new cells and heal my internal organs. I’ve been told that just for my liver to heal itself takes up to two years. I have to be patient, and give it the rest and sleep it needs to heal." I add to that, our capacity to hold and digest our emotions, to process our life experiences in a normal and healthy way so we can live a satisfying life also takes time, rest, and healing. Our inner sense of being needs to regenerate. We need to develop what we truly didn't have before so we can meet our challenges well.
Sign of recovery One measure of recovery then can be when we notice that our challenges are not triggers. Our challenges bring up, not eating disorder behaviors, but strong assertive energy based on a solid sense of self and a willingness to fuel strategic thinking with our deep life force. Thank you again, Shelley and Wendeline, for sharing your courageous healing stories with us.
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